Where It All Began!

I remember my vision clear as day. As a matter of fact I can feel the excitement I had course through my veins when I created my master plan. I remembered I would share my plans with people and they were so enticed by my excitement they couldn’t wait for this phenomena to take place. 

It all started when I purchased an online seminar on how to get your message out and to sell affiliate programs. Then a major light, like a light house sized light came on and I said, “I’m going to do all of the work myself!” The program had suggested to just buy an affiliate program, build a following and to sell your product sending out a newsletter. I added in the whole blog idea in myself. So, I set out to write my own book, get a website, create a following, maintain a blog, and I would do it alone.

I wanted to write a book that had a personal touch but to also reflect my background in Psychology and Sociology. I was not funded for any of these projects so the work was being done in addition to other work, and since I was not able to provide undivided attention- the project was constantly pushed back.

I remember when I worked in my parents store a friend would stop by and he would inquire as to the progress of my project and I was always enthused. I lit up so bright when I talked about it, I can feel the energy rushing back to me now! I was so excited to be doing something for myself and the fact that I was really setting out to help others just made it more magical to me. When I re-read my words now I actually realize just how much work I really did- I became overwhelmed by compassion and joy. I have done something pretty amazing. Sometimes I feel like “oh other people have done so much more than me, I’m not that great.” Realizing how hard I have worked by myself- I know deserve my pat on the back. I wanted approval from others that I might not ever receive and so I must approve of myself.sunset love

As a former athlete sometimes we don’t really get a chance to say, “I am really great.” A lot of times we are always being critiqued and everything that you do can always be better. You don’t want to feel like you are the kid who got the award just so that you don’t feel left out. You want to always be the best, or at least one of the best. That feeling of “never good enough”, always haunted me. If I succumb to the idea that I’m done then my accolades are not reflecting where I want to be- meaning I’m no where near being done!

I had remembered Napoleon Hill speaking about how he worked for Dale Carnegie for over 20+ years and barely made any money and I thought that was crazy! How could you become the right hand man of such a wealthy individual for so long and not make hardly anything? It was in the important lessons that he learned, and in his own divine timing that his life would come together. I myself had a friend -who I will not name- but is a top CEO/President of a well-known company and an actual known friend to Donald Trump. This person was a great mentor and was enthused about helping me with another business idea that I have. When it came time for him to help – he disappeared. I will be honest and say that the majority of my independence can be attributed to my fear of disappointment. If I do all of the work myself then I know I won’t let myself down. But if I become vulnerable and ask for help and that person leaves me hanging -that is one of the worst feelings for me. Disappointment for me can be worse than physical pain. It has not been easy for me to ask for help. A lot of people assume that I have a man who is taking care of me- which is far from the truth. Do I feel I deserve help? Hell yes I do! I feel as though I have a lot to offer and appreciate my many talents as I am truly blessed. It takes a lot for me to admit that because I have felt like such a loser for so long because I haven’t seen my dreams angelsmanifest. When you work toward something for so long and you struggle to get what you need and fantasize about what you want- it can be tough.

The law of attraction says that you need to feel how you would feel if the manifestation has already happened. You must feel abundant in order to be abundant. You must feel loved in order to be loved. You must feel happiness in order to attain happiness-etc. Initially it was difficult for me to grasp the concept. “You want me to feel rich as broke as I am?” But when I feel happy and appreciative I also focus on feeling of the comfort and ease of being financially free. It is all in the mind and that is incredible!

I know I have further to go but I am pleased with how far I have come. Being able to feel the excitement I once had is amazing. I am always open to help but I have started with helping myself!

 

From my heart to yours

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