Dating & Relationships: How Much Sacrifice Is Too Much?

As we grow wiser and truly learn what we want from experiencing what we don’t want; we establish things that we will and will not tolerate. When it comes to choosing a mate or maintaining a relationship; just how much are we willing to tolerate? I know there needs to be a level playing field and sacrifices need to be made, but there needs to be a line drawn (in super permanent marker). I have realized that within my dating life I have come across characters that could fill story books for years.

Most of us have (or had) this ideal mate painted in our head and they didn’t necessarily have to be perfect but it was all that you wanted. A lot of times we need to realize that our ideal mate might not show up perfect on our doorstep with the big red bow from the Lexus Christmas commercial. This package most likely will come with ‘some assembly required’ HA! Let’s just hope it’s not the Ikea assembly; where some crucial pieces didn’t even come in the box!

I pride myself on my extensive hygiene and love to smell amazing. One thing that turns me on is when a man smells good. Not that; I slapped on some cologne over my mid day funk scent either! That scent where they are so fresh and clean their butt cheeks could squeak, ha ha! And then they have on some type of quality cologne. Now that makes me melt, in more places than one! I digress my purpose is to state, I was recently dating a guy who was a bit funky. Then when he asked me to go cologne shopping with ┬áhim I was ecstatic because he was making progress. However, his feet were NO BUENO (that’s no good folks)! I mean you could smell his feet nose pickthrough his shoes.

I decided to let that slide and still get to know him. Another issue was on the table; he wasn’t one to keep in contact. One week, even two weeks went by one time and I didn’t hear a word from him. He would then return with a great excuse as to why he was out of contact. I personally feel like if you need an excuse then you know you did something wrong; especially when it sounds elaborate and well rehearsed. I had explained to him that I felt disrespected because he wasn’t taking our dating seriously. In public he wanted to hold my hand and be all over me like we were the perfect couple, and then he would drop me off and disappear for days/weeks on end. I was not willing to take my sacrifices that far. No one should have to ask anyone to keep in contact with them. Their actions show you exactly what they think and feel about you and the relationship you two have.

I was blessed to meet a man who was a friend of a friend at a social gathering. He has a fiance and I wanted to pick his brain about men. We were having a conversation and I was so enthused to ask him to really give me the honest truth about men and dating. He told me (as I was aware) that men will show you exactly what they are looking for based on how they treat you. Sometimes they can be a little afraid to open up because it is not very easy for a man to become emotionally attached. One of my concerns were on men who want to take care of their women. I have heard and read Steve Harvey discuss this topic. Some men will try to fool you and make you feel bad for expecting a man to take care of you. Steve Harvey went on to explain that it is natural for a man to; profess his love, protect his woman/family, and to provide for his woman/family. But I guess when it is in a book and on TV I’m like, “yeah, that sounds good.” But when I was talking with this guy he explained to me that there are men who are out there and truly would like nothing else but to be there for his woman and be happy in their relationship. I guess I was so refreshed because this was a real man sitting next to me that wasn’t going to get any benefit from telling me this information; he was just being honest. I literally felt a weight lift off of my chest. Even though I know what I had wanted and I knew it existed I still had doubts because, it can be confusing when it just isn’t happening.

I can honestly say that; that conversation restored my faith and it felt awesome! It isn’t very often a real man will step out and kind of throw shade on the bro code. All men know what the ‘bro code’ is and it is like this air tight agreement with men that they will not admit certain things against their fellow bros’.

It might be okay to accept someone funky, short, without great teeth, that talks loud, eats with their mouth open, snores, etc. But heart-hug-pillowwhen it comes down to how that person treats you and makes you feel; there should be NO DEAL! If you have genuine intentions yourself than you should want the same. It is amazing how many people were hurt in the past and they hurt people because they were hurt. #1 it makes absolutely no sense and #2 karma is not something to tamper with. A lot of us have been hurt, and if you have the guts to admit it and the vulnerability to be open and honest you deserve the best!

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